Regular Time
by 42 Zombies
Summary: Finn has accidentally unleashed evil onto Ooo. Again. But before they can defeat this new villain, he escapes into another dimension through a portal. What adventures wait for Finn and Jake in another dimension?
1. The Conquistador

**The Conquistador**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Adventure Time or Regular Show. They are the property of their creators (Pendleton Ward and J.G. Quintel) and/or the company (Cartoon Network) they work for. I DO own this computer, which is how I am typing._

_This story is just being written for fun. I do have other projects I'm working on, but I had this idea and I just wanted to start it. I'll try to update whenever I can, but I'll be working on other things._

_Please enjoy!_

_- _**42 Zombies**

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The whole mess had started out regularly enough; regularly enough for Finn and Jake, at least. They'd been attending a big bash in the Candy Kingdom when—BOOM!—Ice King. He somehow managed to show up just when the party was getting good and completely killed the buzz by kidnapping Princess Bubblegum.

Finn and Jake, being the radical dudes that they are, gave swift chase to the tyrant. They fought their way past snow golems, penguin-soldiers, and one seriously confused tourist from the Cloud Kingdom. It didn't take long for them to reach the Ice King's frosty lair.

Which brings us to the present: as in, _'Presently, Finn is clocking the Ice King.'_

The Ice King was sent flying into one of his glacial walls by Finn's punch. "You annoying meddlers," The Ice King straightened himself up and glared furiously at the two adventurers. "I'm just trying to get through a rough patch! Can't you be a little more understanding?"

"Yeah, man; we _understand_ that you're a tool." Jake replied, going to work on the cage in which Princess Bubblegum was locked.

"Oh, dude! Jake just burned you!" Finn laughed, momentarily distracted. The Ice King took advantage and hurled a frozen lightning bolt at the human boy's feet, freezing them to the floor. The Ice King cackled.

"Who's the tool now, Finn and Jake? Not me, I bet!"

Unfortunately, the Ice King had failed to take into account the fact that Jake was still free. While one hand picked at the lock on the Princess' cage, the magic dog's other hand stretched like a rubber band and grabbed the Ice King's crown off of his head.

"Don't worry, dude; he's harmless now." Jake assured, holding the crown high above the Ice King's head.

"Most excellent!" Finn exclaimed. "I'll just wait for the ice around my feet to melt; and then… I'll clock him!"

Somehow, the icy lock on the princess' cage clicked. Jake pulled the door open and turned his key-hand back into a hand-hand (Which is to say, just a normal hand.) Free from her prison, Princess Bubblegum stepped out and gratefully patted Jake on the head.

"Don't bother, dude; I got PB." Jake announced. The Ice King gaped in shock at the sight of how easily the two adventurers had rescued the princess.

"Not fair! I want a do-over! I never got out of the starting gate!"

With a mighty yank, Finn pulled his feet free of the icy floor. He screamed triumphantly and, before Jake could even consider giving the Ice King his do-over, ran up and gave the wizard the clocking he had promised. The Ice King was down with one punch, out cold and with x's for eyes.

"Thanks for saving me again, you two," PB said graciously.

"Shucks. Tweren't nothing, princess!" Finn said modestly.

Jake tossed the Ice King's crown out a window. He didn't think much of it; it probably wasn't that important.

"Yeah, we do this sort of thing, like, every week." Jake admitted. "You don't need to thank us, PB."

"Still, this is, like, the eighth time you've rescued me…" Bubblegum mused. She rubbed her chin, all thoughtful-like. Suddenly, an idea struck her.

"I just thought of something." She announced. She looked Jake in the eyes and smiled. "Jake, I need you to take us back to the Candy Kingdom. I have something I want to show you guys."

Jake and Finn exchanged a puzzled look. Nevertheless, the three exited the Ice King's palace and stood on the long, winding path that led down into the mountains of his kingdom. Jake got down onto all fours and, in a second, grew into a size that was big enough to carry two people.

Finn effortlessly hopped up onto his buddy's back. "Okay, man; let's go."

"Uh… Finn, don't you think you're forgetting something?"

As subtlety as someone who has movable jowls can, Jake pointed at Princess Bubblegum with one of his jowls. She still stood on the icy ground. It took Finn a moment to realize he was supposed to help her up.

"Sorry, Princess," Finn apologized. He held out a hand for the Princess and pulled her up. With all the passengers onboard, Jake began to make his way towards the Candy Kingdom.

Along the way, Finn and Jake had a short conversation:

"Jake, how'd you know the princess wanted me to help her up?" Finn whispered into Jake's massive ear.

"Man, I know the ladies." Jake responded. "I can pick up _the signals_."

Finn stared at Jake in confusion. Partly because he had no idea what_ the signals_ were, but mostly because he could sense that somehow Jake had been speaking in italics.

There was no time for confusion, however. They had arrived in the Candy Kingdom. Hundreds of Candy People, seeing Finn and Jake returning, had gathered in the center of town. They broke into excited cheers when they saw that the Princess had been returned safely.

Jake shrunk back down to his normal size, bringing Finn and PB down safely to the ground as he did so. The crowd was in hysterics over the group's arrival, but a signal from the Princess calmed them down. As the Candy People's last murmurs died down, PB began to speak.

"Candy Citizens," she announced regally, "once again the heroes Finn and Jake have proven their righteousness by saving me from the Ice King…"

While the Princess spoke to her adoring citizens, Finn and Jake whispered to each other. "Jake; do you really think PB is going to give us something?" Finn asked.

"Probably, man," Jake answered, "it's probably going to be something really sweet. Like a guitar that shoots flaming bats or something."

Finn's eyes twinkled as he imagined wielding such a mighty weapon. He would name it 'The Justice-Quencher', and everyone would think it was so awesome.

There was a collective gasp from the Candy People. Finn suddenly realized that he had spaced out and PB was nearing the end of her speech. He quickly re-focused his attention on what she was saying and tried his best to _not_ act like a space-case.

"… And, since Starchy found the keys last week," Bubblegum continued, "I have decided to reward these mighty heroes by taking them into the Royal Candy Archives!"

The crowd erupted into cheers. Finn and Jake, of course, had no idea what the Royal Candy Archives were, so they simply smiled politely and exchanged a puzzled glance. Slowly, the crowd dispersed, and the Princess turned her attentions to the two heroes behind her.

"Well," she said with a friendly chuckled, "if you guys are ready, we can begin our descent into the Royal Archives."

"Um… sure, Princess," Finn agreed uncertainly. "You just… lead the way."

The Princess smiled and began walking towards the castle. Finn and Jake followed her, both anxious and confused. Jake leaned in and whispered in Finn's covered ear: "Dude, do you know anything about this Royal Archive junk?"

"No…" Finn admitted, "But the Princess is cool. I'm sure she'll explain everything soon."

This turned out to be false. Ten minutes later, after they had taken a cursed ferry across a river of lava, they still had no idea what the math was going on. The Princess had led them down a huge spiral staircase beneath the castle itself, into a monstrous cavern beneath the Candy Kingdom. They now stood before a huge door covered with carvings of the Gumball Guardians and their legendary journeys.

"Alright, guys," Bubblegum said teasingly, "are you ready to enter the Royal Candy Archives?"

"Sure, I guess." Finn shrugged. Jake joined him in his uncertainty. Satisfied, Princess Bubblegum knocked on the door three times. A loud, booming voice answered back:

"WHAT IS THE PASSWORD?"

"Just open the door, Horatio!" PB demanded impatiently.

"OKAY!" The voice cried defensively. "JEEZ."

There was a clicking noise, as numerous tumblers moved inside some unseen lock. Slowly, the two doors opened outward. A blinding light from the room beyond greeted Finn and Jake, who had to shield their eyes at first. Soon, however, they could see what lay beyond the doors.

A huge library of sorts waited for the two adventurers. It was filled not only with books, but with weapons; weapons of every sort imaginable. There were swords; axes; polearms; cursed ray guns. The place was practically an armory.

An armory that also had _books_.

Finn and Jake ran into the Archives, giddy as all get out. PB followed them in, smiling a proud little smile. "You guys be careful!" She called after the two adventurers. "Don't touch anything without my permission!"

The shelves of books and weapons made neat little aisles, and Finn and Jake ran through them excitedly. "Dude, this place is so awesome!" Finn cried out. Jake laughed in agreement as the two rounded a corner.

"Man, I could live here." Jake declared as the two walked down another aisle. "Do you think the Princess will let us take any of this stuff home?"

"She'd better, man; otherwise, she's just a tease." Finn answered. He looked ahead and saw that the path they were currently on led into a wall. "Dead-end," he mused. "Let's turn back. I want to check out that half-sword/half-monkey thing again."

_"Don't go…"_

The ghostly voice echoed off of the library's ceiling. It sounded like it could have come from anywhere. Finn and Jake looked around, confused as to its point of origin.

"You hear that, too, man?" Jake asked, unsure if he had himself. Finn nodded slowly.

"Hey, creepy voice guy!" Finn called out. "Where you at?"

_"Look… forward…"_

Finn did as the voice said. All he could see, however, was the wall that created the dead end ahead of them. "You're a wall?"

_"What? No, man; I'm inside the wall. It's covered in dust."_

Finn raised an eyebrow, but decided to go along with what the voice said. He walked towards the huge wall and blew on it as hard as he could. Sure enough, a wave of dust flew off of the wall's surface and into the air, scattering all around Finn.

The wall was actually a huge, glass case. Something was barely visible just behind the dust that was left. Finn squinted his eyes to make sense of whatever was behind the glass.

"I can't make it out…" he muttered. "Dude, what are you?"

_"I'm… a super-powerful… cosmic… gauntlet."_

"Dude, a cosmic gauntlet?" Jake asked skeptically. "We've got, like, eight of those back home. Let's leave, Finn; there's more interesting stuff to check out."

_"NO!"_

The voice was so loud and desperate that it caused the air to shake.

_"Um… Finn, was it? You're… the chosen one, I guess."_

Finn's mouth hung open in shock. "Me?" He asked, amazed. "The chosen one?"

_"Yeah. You were prophesized to save the world and… um… be cool."_

A normal person would have totally seen through the voice's obvious lie. A normal person would have just walked away. Finn, however, was a sucker for stories about 'Chosen Ones' and prophecies. His legs shook with nervous energy and he held his hands to his face in excitement.

"I can't believe it. Me: the chosen one." He muttered to himself.

Jake was still skeptical, however. "I don't know, Finn," he said, "I'm not too quick to trust talking weapons."

_"Hey, uh… dog-guy; help me get out of here and I'll… show you something cool."_

Jake was taken in by that amazing promise, and within minutes they were smacking the glass with a really heavy book they had found. The glass was strong, however, and seemed to refuse to give way.

"Dude, this glass is tough." Jake observed after failing to break it for, like, the eighteenth time or something.

"Why don't you just turn huge and smash it?" Finn asked.

"What, are you nuts? I'd get cut."

_"Can you guys just get me out of here? I'm really stiff."_

Jake tossed the heavy book to the floor in frustration. "Jeez! How are we supposed to break this guy out?" He wondered desperately.

Finn rubbed his chin and looked around, hoping to find a way to free the gauntlet. After a moment of searching, he saw something: on one of the shelves surrounding them was an ancient, dusty hammer. Its handle stuck out invitingly, just begging for someone to grab it and whack something.

In just a few seconds, Finn had the hammer. It was surprisingly heavy, and Finn had to drag it along the ground. "Alright… stand back, Jake! I'm about to go BANANAS!"

With a blood-curdling scream, Finn heaved the hammer up above him and swung it into the glass barrier. There was a mighty crash, and the wall slowly began to crack. Shards of glass fell to the dusty, earthen floor, and soon there was a large hole in the wall.

The gauntlet, propped up on a neat little stand, sat exactly behind the hole. Finn carefully reached in and pulled the piece of armor out, mesmerized by its awesomeness.

"This is so math." He muttered.

The gauntlet was made from plates of bronze, and it had a bright-red power gem in the center of the back of the hand. Several black rings adorned the ringers, each ring topped off with a different-colored crystal. But that wasn't the best part.

The best part was the freaking sweet smiley face carved into the palm of the hand.

… No, wait. Actually, that was the lamest part. As soon as Finn saw the face, he raised an eyebrow in disgust and confusion. It wasn't even a particularly well-drawn face; it looked all… sloppy and ugly, with eyes tightly shut.

"Wow." Finn mused, realization striking him. "This is actually pretty lame."

Jake looked at the smiley face from over Finn's shoulder. Even he had to admit the face looked crappy, and he was usually into this sort of thing. "Man, let's trash this thing," he suggested, "You don't want to be the chosen one if your weapon looks like _that_, do you?"

"Oh, hecks no," Finn agreed.

Finn dumped the gauntlet onto the ground and the two turned their backs on it. They had more important things to do than waste their time on a crappy-looking gauntlet. It didn't even occur to them to tell the Princess about this whole ordeal.

Of course, as soon as they left, the gauntlet's fingers began to twitch. With this tiny movement, a pulse of life entered the ancient and mystical piece of armor. Almost instantly, bone and sinew began to grow out of the gauntlet. They formed a humanoid shape, which was swiftly covered in a light-blue skin.

The figure's mouth popped into proper shape, and his eyeballs formed in their sockets. Satisfied, he leapt to his feet, now adorned in sandals, and dusted the filth of centuries off of him. A pair of jeans popped into existence on the being's nether-regions, and a cute little party-hat grew out of his head like a stalagmite.

"Crap. I frigging hate that." The creature muttered to himself. After a few stretches to warm-up his body after his centuries-long entrapment, he put his hands on his hips, satisfied.

"Welp," he mused, "guess it's time to conquer Ooo."

FINN, JAKE, and Princess Bubblegum emerged from the cellar that led to the Candy Archives. They were back on the surface, in the Candy Kingdom. Finn saw that it was nighttime, and that the trip had taken a whole day. Regrettably, he and Jake hadn't found any cool weapons that weren't cursed, haunted, or actually shape-shifters in disguise.

"Sorry you guys couldn't find anything," PB apologized, closing and locking the doors to the cellar, "I'll go down tomorrow and try to find something for you."

"Thanks, Princess." Finn said. He yawned, tired from the day's events. It was time to head home.

Unfortunately, Finn and Jake weren't about to rest any time soon.

There was a crackle in the air; something a like a spark, almost but not quite visible. These sparks converged together until they formed a humanoid shape, which quickly solidified. The creature who wore the gauntlet floated in the air above Finn and Jake's heads.

"Ugh. Frigging Candy Kingdom." He muttered to himself. He looked around, oblivious to the people beneath him. "Where'd I leave my castle…?"

"Hey! Hey, blue guy!"

"Huh?" The creature looked down when he heard Finn call out to him. He smiled friendlily and waved his smaller, un-gauntleted hand. "Oh, dude! Hey, thanks for freeing me earlier! I owe you one, man!"

Finn wasn't sure what the creature was talking about; until, of course, he looked at his left hand. "The gauntlet!" Finn exclaimed. "You were the voice from the archives!"

Princess Bubblegum looked from Finn to the floating, blue creature above her. It didn't take her long to figure out what was going on.

"Finn, Jake," PB began, doing her best to control her anger, "did you two release Ernie the Conquistador?"

"Maybe." Jake replied earnestly. "It depends on if this guy is that guy."

Princess Bubblegum tried her best not to murder Finn and Jake. She gritted her teeth and furrowed her brow. "Do you have any idea what you've done? You've unleashed one of Ooo's great evils after it had been trapped for centuries!"

Finn couldn't help but feel embarrassed. This was, like, the third or fourth time he had done that.

Ernie, however, didn't seem too embarrassed. He went back to ignoring the insects beneath him and surveyed the land. His castle clearly wasn't anywhere nearby. Had he left it in another dimension? Or maybe it had been eaten by goblins!

Ernie wasn't able to think of any more possibilities, however. Finn threw a rock at the blue-man's head, getting his attention. Enraged by this admittedly minor attack, Ernie glared down at Finn and Jake.

"Hey, conqueror guy," Finn yelled, "go back where you came from! If you don't, Jake and me are going to open up a CAN on you!"

Before Jake could elaborate what the can would be filled with and why he and Finn would be opening it, the Conquistador flew at him with his fist stretched outwards, like a missile. Jake quickly stretched the bulk of his body out of the way, and Ernie flew harmlessly past.

The Conquistador stopped himself in midair before he crashed into the ground. He spun around so he was once again facing Finn and Jake. His eyes were two balls of anger; also, they were still eyes. He scowled, showing his horse-like teeth off as they rubbed against each other in horrible rage.

"Nobody throws small rocks at my head!" Ernie howled.

Finn pulled a sword out from his cute li'l backpack and stared his foe down. Without a second's hesitation, he charged at Ernie, screaming like a hellion. He raised his blade above his head and brought it down as hard as he could.

Ernie quickly brought up his left hand and blocked the sword-stroke with his gauntlet. As he and Finn fought against each other, he stared the young adventurer in the eyes.

"You're not half-bad, kid. Unfortunately, I'M AWESOME."

Finn was about to make a clever comeback, when Ernie shove his finger in the boy's eye. Finn recoiled back and put his hand to his face. While he screeched in pain, Ernie threw his hands up victoriously.

Jake's stretchy fist put a quick end to the Conquistador's celebration. The magic dog delivered a giant haymaker to Ernie's jaw, knocking him to the ground. Finn and Jake quickly regrouped while Ernie flopped around on the ground, struggling to get up.

"Finn, man, we need to start strategizing, or something." Jake whispered. Finn nodded seriously.

"You're right. This guy's tough." Finn looked over at Ernie, who was still flopping around on the ground like a fish out of water.

"Okay, I've got a plan. But it'll take expert timing and ninja-like steal—"

_**"SCREW THIS!"**_

Ernie slammed his fist on the ground defiantly. He would not be held down by such petty things as gravity. With a furious scream, he levitated into the air; an aura of azure energy surrounded his body. His eyes glowed deep crimson and his teeth were bared as he stared down at Finn and Jake.

_**"YOU GUYS ARE FRICKING CHEATING! IF I HAD MY OTHER GAUNTLET, YOU'D BE DEAD RIGHT NOW!"**_ Ernie's voice had become something completely different; it carried more power and a thousand-times more rage. It was the type of voice a wrestler in the 90s would have.

Before Finn and Jake could react, Ernie raised his left hand in the air; then, commanding some unseen force, Finn and Jake were lifted into the air until they were at eye-level with Ernie.

"Man, put us down!" Finn demanded, struggling to free himself. Ernie decided that that would be a dumb thing to do and instead decided to slam Finn and Jake into the wall of a nearby Candy-House. The wall cracked from the force of the impact, and Finn and Jake didn't fare much better. Ernie stared the two down while they groaned in pain.

_**"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU'RE SCHTUPPING WITH."**_

"Put them down this instant!" PB yelled angrily. Ernie cast a discerning eye down towards the Princess. "If you do not release them this instant, Conquistador, I will get my swan and you will be IN FOR IT."

Something in the Princess' voice stopped Ernie from doing anything more to the adventurers. He released his grip on Finn and Jake, dropping them on their buttocks. Slowly, the Conquistador's eyes returned to their normal hue. Now much calmer, he groaned petulantly.

"You guys are lame," Ernie whined quietly, "I'm going to go find my weapons and stuff, and _then_ you'll be sorry!"

"Hey, wait!" Finn ordered.

But it was too late. Fed-up with the whole stinking scene, Ernie punched a hole in the air with his gauntleted hand. It was as if he had punched through paper; his hand went in one side, but didn't come out the other.

Ernie pulled his hand out and eyed what he had created. To accurately explain what he had done would require a lot of science-talk and made-up words. In layman's terms, he had punched a hole in the fabric of reality.

A small, blue portal floated in-front of Ernie. Not content with its size, the Conquistador grabbed its edges and pulled, stretching it out until it was his size. He smiled at his handiwork and began to step into the portal.

"Get back here!" Finn called after the conquistador, who was already halfway through the portal. Ernie cast an annoyed glance Finn's way.

"Kid, I'll take care of you once I get my stuff together. Just… wait here, okay?" He asked, embarrassed. Before Finn could object, Ernie stepped completely through the portal. There was a noise like something falling into a pool of water, and he was gone.

Silence. Awkward silence.

At least, it was silent until Finn started howling like a rabid monkey. He kicked the ground and punched the air, furious that the bad guy had gotten away. Before he did something regrettable, Jake wrapped his arms around the human boy like a straitjacket, restraining him.

"Calm down, man," Jake said while his friend fought kicked and screamed. "The guy said he'd be back. We'll get him then."

Finn began to calm down; not because what Jake said was comforting, but because he was getting tired. Jake released his grip and Finn looked up in the sky. The portal that Ernie had made his escape through was still floating several feet in the air, mockingly.

"Guys," Princess Bubblegum advised, "you've got to follow him. Ernie was sealed away 800 years ago because he almost took over Ooo with just one gauntlet; if he gets another, who knows what he'll do?"

Finn nodded, determined. He narrowed his eyes as he stared at the portal, focused on this new adventure.

"Jake, man," Finn said, not taking his eyes off of the portal, "let's get our junk ready; we're going through that portal."

* * *

NEXT TIME: Hey, There's a Car


	2. Firebird

**Firebird**

_I don't know if I'll get a chance to say this to you guys in time, but I just want to wish you all a Happy Holidays. Let's all have the Kurt Angliest Christmas ever._

**- 42 Zombies**

* * *

Coffee.

Mordecai opened up the cupboard and removed his usual mug (Benson had been getting on his case about drinking straight out of the pot lately.) He poured himself a cup and sat it down at the table.

Cereal.

The Soggy Oak Nuts were all out. The only cereal left in the pantry was the crappy shredded-wheat stuff that Benson liked. Mordecai groaned and poured himself a bowl.

Milk.

Mordecai opened the fridge. No milk. Confused, he closed the fridge and opened it again to see if the milk would appear. Then he realized this was stupid and chastised himself for even doing it. The young slacker moved a few things around, but nothing changed; there was definitely no milk in that fridge.

Why was that?

* * *

Mordecai and Rigby stood in the grocery store, a petty amount of cash on hand. The milk had accidentally been kept past the expiration date, and Benson had sent them out on an emergency errand to get some more. Mordecai had wanted to go straight to the dairy aisle.

Rigby had dragged him over to a skill-crane.

"Dude, you're wasting your time," Mordecai advised after Rigby's sixth straight loss, "nobody ever wins those things."

Rigby scoffed as he put another quarter into the machine. "Whatever, man. I'm totally winning that blow-up guitar."

Mordecai looked at their dwindling funds, which Rigby had taken as soon as they arrived at the machine. They were down to a less than two dollars, more than enough to buy a quart of milk. If Mordecai stopped Rigby now, they could avoid a lecture from Benson.

Reverse psychology might work.

"Man, this thing's for babies," Mordecai pointed out, "you don't want to waste your time on this thing, do you?"

No reaction. Rigby just put another quarter in the machine and pressed his nose up against the glass. He pushed the button and the claw lowered, barely grabbing on to the blow-up guitar that Rigby wanted so much.

Mordecai became desperate. "Come on, man! Benson's going to get pissed if you blow all of the money on this dumb game," he pleaded.

"Relax! I'm awesome at these!" Rigby bragged as he put another quarter in. "This time for sure."

They wound up spending all of their money on the skill-crane. Rigby never did get that guitar.

* * *

"What are you doing?"

Mordecai snapped out of his flashback when he heard Benson's voice. His employer was standing in the entranceway to the kitchen, staring at Mordecai suspiciously. Mordecai instinctively stood in front of the fridge, as if to hide it.

"Uh… nothing, Benson," Mordecai said. His eyes darted around nervously. "I was just, you know, getting some breakfast."

Benson's suspicions weren't dissuaded by the admittedly pathetic lie. The gumball-machine walked up to Mordecai and shoved him aside. He opened the refrigerator door and looked inside.

…

"Where the heck is the milk?"

Mordecai winced as Benson stared him down. "Well, the other day, when you sent Rigby and me to get milk—"

Benson groaned. "I knew I shouldn't have sent you idiots!" He exclaimed. "What did Rigby do?"

Mordecai faltered. Rigby was on thin ice as it was. "Actually…" he said, pulling the story out of thin air, "it was me. I spent the money on some chocolates I saw."

Benson raised an eyebrow. Though he seemed skeptic at first, he quickly bought the story. "Well, that money's coming out of your pay," he said sternly. "Now, you'd better figure out a way to eat your cereal without milk. We've got a lot of work to do today."

Once Benson had left the room, Mordecai groaned. Great; first no milk and now he wasn't going to get paid as much. Mordecai sat down and began eating his cereal. It was dry and it hurt his mouth.

He looked at his cup of coffee, an idea formulating; a dumb idea, but an idea nonetheless. He poured the contents of the cup into the bowl and went back to eating.

This wasn't much better. Mordecai was pretty sure that this was actually worse; he couldn't even taste the cereal, and the coffee was way too bitter. Regardless, he continued to spoon it into his mouth.

"Mordecai!"

The sound of Rigby's footsteps coming into the kitchen were audible long before he entered the room. From the sounds of things, he was in a hurry, down and running on all fours as he ran into the kitchen. He had a newspaper tucked under his arm, and when he reached Mordecai he slammed it down on the table.

"Dude, you've got to check this out!" Rigby said excitedly.

Mordecai looked at the newspaper with a raised eyebrow. "Dude, since when do you read the newspaper? You don't even _read._"

"Shut up!" Rigby retorted hastily. "Man, do you want to hear about what I found out or not?"

Mordecai weighed his options; either listen to Rigby, or continue eating this horrible coffee-cereal. He made the smart decision and pushed the bowl aside. "Go ahead, man," he said.

Rigby smiled and began to flip through the pages of the newspaper. "Okay, dude, did you know that people sell things in the newspaper?"

Mordecai stared blankly at Rigby.

"Well, dude, check it," Rigby said proudly. Mordecai looked down at the newspaper, which was open to the classifieds. Rigby had circled a block of text with a high-liter. Mordecai had to squint to read it. It said:

**1980 Firebird Custom**

Nice paint-job. Car-phone. Runs 'good'. $500

Mordecai looked at Rigby questioningly. "A car?" He asked. "You want to buy a car?"

"Yeah, man!" Rigby said enthusiastically. "I found a picture of it online. It looks totally sweet!'

Mordecai slumped back in his chair. "Why do you even need a car? Benson lets us use the golf-cart if we need to go anywhere, and you can't even drive."

Rigby scowled at his friend's argument. "Man, the golf-cart is lame!" He said. "Besides, I was thinking we could both go in on this thing; you know, we each pay half."

"What?" Mordecai asked, shocked. "Dude, I don't even want this thing! It sounds totally lame!"

"No way, dude! It's got a car-phone!"

Mordecai pointed at the advertisement. "Man, why is 'good' in quotation marks? Why are they selling it for so cheap? You never think about anything, Rigby!" Mordecai put his hands to his face, frustrated beyond recovery.

Rigby glared at Mordecai, angry at his idea being shot down. He wordlessly grabbed the newspaper off of the table and tucked it back under his arm. He turned his back on Mordecai defiantly and began to walk away, doing his best to make a statement.

Just as Rigby was halfway across the floor, Mordecai felt some regret. He groaned.

"Hey, wait!" He called out.

Rigby turned around. He stared Mordecai down, still upset.

Mordecai sighed as he prepared to apologize. "Look, I'll go with you to look at the car." He offered reluctantly. "No promises, though."

Rigby crossed his arms and nodded solemnly. "Hmm, hmm," he mused wisely, "I knew you'd see it my way."

* * *

"Well… it _looks_ cool."

Mordecai had to admit that the car did have a nice paint job. It was azure-blue, with sweet hot rod flames. It was sleek and shiny, and looked like something out of a movie. The wheels were chrome, and the tires were white. The only weird thing was the antenna ball.

It was a smiley face. Not the typical, yellow kind, either, but an ugly one with eyes tight shut and a sloppy, pencil-drawn mouth. Still, the rest of the car's exterior more than made up for that one fault.

The interior was another story.

The floor was littered with garbage and old food. The seats were made out of nasty, moldy fabric that looked painful to sit on. There was a milkshake from 1997 in the cup-holder. Part of the steering wheel was missing.

But, on the plus side, the car-phone worked.

Rigby pressed his face up against the car's window and looked inside, his excitement dying a little. His face contorted in disgust when he saw something move on the floor. He quickly backed away from the car.

"Yeah, the interior needs some work," the car's seller admitted. He sat in a lawn-chair beside the car, which was parked in a vacant lot. From the looks of things, Mordecai and Rigby were the only people who had come by to even look at the car—the lot hadn't been disturbed for quite some time.

Mordecai groaned. He had known this would be a waste of time. Sure, the car looked cool, but from the looks of things it needed some serious work.

"I'll tell you what," the seller offered, "I'll knock off fifty bucks. That's 450 dollars. What do you say?"

Mordecai looked at Rigby, and the two bunched together in order to privately conference. "Okay, so it's not as cool as I thought it'd be," Rigby admitted, "but, dude, he's practically giving it to us!"

"Giving it to us? Man, I could probably make a car for 450 dollars!" Mordecai exclaimed. "This thing's a piece of crap!"

Rigby scoffed. "Man, when are we ever going to get a deal like this again? You just don't want to be your own man; you want to have to ask Benson to use the golf-cart all the time, because you love him."

Mordecai was about to offer a clever retort ("Your _mom_ loves me") when a familiar voice rang out.

"Hey! Mordecai, Rigby!"

Mordecai's back was turned, so he was taken by surprise. Slowly, he turned around, not sure of what to say. He rubbed the back of his head and smiled meekly at the familiar figure standing on the sidewalk beside the vacant lot.

"Hey, Margaret," he greeted, doing his best to act casual. As she approached, Mordecai quickly gathered his composure while Rigby wordlessly rolled his eyes. Margaret smiled friendlily, not seeming to notice Mordecai's awkwardness.

"What are you doing here?" Mordecai asked, forgetting why he and Rigby had come to the lot in the first place.

"I was on my lunch break and was just passing by," Margaret explained, pointing in the direction she had come from. "What are you guys doing here?"

It suddenly occurred to Mordecai that saying the wrong thing would either, a) make Margaret think he was a total idiot; or, b) trap him in an incredibly awkward situation (This had happened before. Several times.) Mordecai decided to choose his words carefully.

Rigby didn't.

"We're just buying this car, is all," Rigby said haughtily. Mordecai delivered a quick punch to Rigby's arm and glared at him discretely. While Rigby rubbed his aching arm, Mordecai looked back at Margaret.

The young waitress smiled, impressed. "That's pretty cool, you guys," she said cheerfully. "What kind of car is it?"

Mordecai froze. If he backed out of this, Margaret would probably think he was some sort of liar or something. On the other hand, he really didn't want to get stuck with this crappy car. He stuttered nervously, unsure of what to do.

He had to make a decision.

* * *

Skips stared at Mordecai and Rigby incredulously. "You bought a car?" He asked.

Mordecai groaned, more than a little ashamed. The three stood outside of Skips' house; more specifically, his garage. Mordecai and Rigby stood in front of their new acquisition—the Firebird—which seemed to be smoking a bit from under the hood.

It had taken a lot of work to get the Firebird from the vacant lot to the park. It was prone to stopping and stalling randomly, and it didn't seem capable of going more than fifteen miles an hour. At one point a door had actually fallen off, and Mordecai had to reattach it with duct tape.

"Yeah, man; can you help us fix it?" Mordecai asked embarrassedly. Skips shook his head.

"Benson's got me workin' on the cart," he explained, "and even if I could help, I'm not sure there's much I could do with…"

Skips flinched as one of the car's tires suddenly popped.

"_That._"

Rigby waved his hand dismissively. "Eh, the car's fine, anyway," he said confidently. "I'm sure I'll be able to drive it."

Skips was silent for a moment. "You?" He asked carefully. "You're goin' to drive that thing?"

Rigby noticed the hesitation in Skips' voice and raised an eyebrow. "Yes," he said slowly, "why not? It's my car. I can drive it if I want."

Skips narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "Maybe I'll take a look at it; just to be safe."

Mordecai and Rigby watched as the yeti skipped over to their new car and began his inspection. He lifted up the Firebird's hood and a cloud of smoke erupted out, obscuring Skips from sight. Mordecai and Rigby coughed as the smog filled the air; their eyes watered and they waved their hands in front of their faces, trying desperately to clear the air.

"Man," Mordecai said in-between hacking fits, "this is all your fault, Rigby! Why'd you have to drag me out to look at this piece of junk?"

"My fault?" Rigby repeated, plugging his nose in an attempt to save himself from the smoke. "_You're_ the one who bought the car! Besides, it's not a piece of junk, it's—"

Mordecai groaned, the full consequences of his actions finally hitting him. "Oh, man!" He exclaimed. "I can't believe I bought this piece of crap! Do you have any idea how many extra hours we're going to have to work to pay for this thing?"

Rigby hadn't thought about that. "Oh, yeah," he said quietly. "Maybe Benson will give us a raise once he sees how awesome this car is?"

Mordecai didn't even bother trying to tell Rigby how stupid that idea was. He just crossed his arms and leaned against the wall of Skips' garage, waiting for the smoke to clear. After what seemed like an impossibly long time, Skips was finally visible again. He was covered in grime and he stood over the hood of the car, examining it intently. He turned away from the car and looked at Mordecai and Rigby.

"Hey, did you guys look at this thing before you bought it?" He asked.

Mordecai and Rigby looked at each other. They weren't sure how to answer the question. "Were we supposed to?" Mordecai asked hesitantly.

"You always look at a car before you buy it!" Skips chastised. "Everybody knows that!"

Rigby rolled his eyes. "Okay, whatever," he said impatiently, "is there anything wrong with the car, or what?"

"Well," Skips explained matter-of-factly, "for one thing, it doesn't have an engine."

Mordecai and Rigby looked at each other and then at Skips. Without wasting any time, they ran over to the Firebird and Skips and peered into the hood to see if what their coworker said was true.

There was no engine. Inside the hood of the car was a glowing, azure ball of energy that floated without touching anything inside the hood. Next to the orb was a tape-player attached to a device that led to the car's undercarriage. Mordecai looked from the car to Skips to Rigby, who looked just as confused.

"What is that thing?" Rigby asked, reaching out to the ball of energy. When his finger was just a fraction of an inch away, he felt a burning sensation and quickly pulled his hand away. Skips slammed the car hood down, sealing the orb away.

"This car you bought isn't supposed to be here," Skips observed. "You need to take it back to where you found it."

Mordecai knew better than to question Skips about these kinds of things. Besides, he was more than happy to get rid of this piece of crap. Rigby, however, wasn't as willing to give up the Firebird.

"No way, man," Rigby said defiantly, "you can't tell us what to do with our car!"

Skips narrowed his eyes, annoyed. "Rigby, don't argue with me about this. I—"

"Oh, what, you're some kind of baby-dealing… video-game trapping… awesome guy?" Rigby insulted (Or at least tried). "You don't know everything! Remember that time at that party when—"

"That was _you_, and it wasn't a party." Skips corrected. "It was the house. Benson almost fired you."

Rigby tried to come up with a come-back, but Mordecai stopped him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Dude; maybe we should listen to Skips." He suggested gently. "I mean, the car isn't that great, anyway. We should just return it."

Rigby shook Mordecai's hand off angrily. "No. We're keeping the car." He said. He marched over to the Firebird purposefully, intent on making his opinion known. Not caring what Mordecai and Rigby thought, he reached out and grabbed the car door's handle.

Then the car alarm went off.

Rigby looked around, embarrassed. Mordecai and Skips covered their ears while the alarm whined through the open park air, audible to everyone trying to enjoy their day. Rigby looked around frantically.

"Mordecai!" He yelled over the noise. "Where are the keys?"

"They're in the car!" Mordecai yelled back. Rigby nodded and pulled open the car door. As he deactivated the Firebird's car alarm, it occurred to Mordecai that he had never activated the car alarm. He chalked it up to another one of the car's many issues and uncovered his ears.

"Okay," he said as Rigby crawled out of the car, "maybe now you'll want to return the c—"

A bolt of lightning interrupted Mordecai mid-sentence. For dramatic effects it was very impressive, but otherwise it was terribly inconvenient. The lightning stuck a nearby tree, setting it on fire. Mordecai, Rigby and Skips all jumped back as the sky began to darken.

The lights in Skips' house began to flicker on and off. In the distance, car alarms could be heard sounding off in the city. Sparks of azure energy began to dance in the air, converging in front of the Firebird.

The convergence of the sparks created an explosion of blue energy that knocked Mordecai, Rigby, and Skips off of their feet. As the three groundskeepers looked up, they saw a portal before them. A single, gauntleted hand emerged from the portal, followed by the rest of some imposing figure.

Ernie the Conquistador floated just a few feet above the ground. He looked around, trying to figure out exactly where he was. His body was heavily shadowed by the brightly-glowing portal that stood behind him.

Ernie's eyes finally found the three groundskeepers. He looked at them suspiciously.

"Hey." He said calmly. "Um, I don't know how to say this, but you guys have my car."

Rigby glared at Ernie. "_Your_ car?" He asked angrily. "This is our car! We bought it and everything!"

Ernie raised an eyebrow. Mordecai and Rigby looked familiar to him, but he couldn't quite put his big, blue finger on it. Putting the issue aside for the moment, Ernie reached into his pocket and produced a set of keys attached to an ancient-looking car clicker.

"I don't know who sold you this car, but it's mine," Ernie replied. "I just left it in this dimension and haven't picked it up in a while. Now, give it back."

Mordecai was more than willing to return the Conquistador's car. However, Rigby clutched their set of keys tightly to his chest. It seemed that, despite the blue giant with the cool glove, Rigby was still too stubborn to give the Firebird up.

"No way, man; get your own car!" Rigby ordered.

"I have a car," Ernie pointed out, "but some lame squatters won't give it back, and guess what? They're you; you're lame."

Rigby muttered something under his breath. Mordecai, meanwhile, tried to take the reasonable route and just talk to Ernie.

"Look, you can have the car back," Mordecai said calmly, "it doesn't even run that well, anyways. So can we just—"

"You're really short, you know that?" Ernie asked Rigby. Mordecai realized that the Conquistador and Rigby seemed to be trapped in their own little universe, locking everything else out. Their mutual immaturity had created a social black hole, in which only they could communicate.

"Yeah, well you're… shirtless!" Rigby retorted. Ernie scoffed.

"So are you, man! At least I've got some muscles to show off!" He responded.

Mordecai looked to Skips for help, but it was no use. His fellow groundskeeper was still lying on the ground, seemingly unconscious from Ernie's arrival. Mordecai turned his attention back to Rigby and Ernie, whose conversation had degenerated into childish name-calling.

"Blue loser!"

"I'm not the blue loser! You are!"

"I'm not blue; that doesn't make sense!"

"You don't make sense!"

"STOP TALKING!"

"_**YOU STOP TALKING!"**_

There was a clear and sudden change in Ernie's voice when he said his last insult. His eyes flashed red for a fraction of a second as the sheer sound of his voice sent out a wave that nearly knocked Mordecai and Rigby down. The windows in Skips' house shattered, and the clouds in the sky flew away at the sheer force of Ernie's voice.

It dawned on Rigby that acting like a jerk towards the Omni-dimensional traveler might not have been too smart.

Ernie held out his gloved hand and the keys that Rigby held flew, almost magnetically, towards him. Ernie clenched his fist tightly around the keys before putting them, along with the additional set that he was carrying, into his pants-pocket.

"_**I SHOULD DESTROY YOUR MISERABLE DIMENSION RIGHT HERE!"**_ Ernie screamed. _**"I… I, uh… **_ugh. Jeez."

Ernie's voice returned to normal and he shook his head to clear it. "I went a little crazy there." He said with an embarrassed chuckle. "Sorry about that; that's my pure evil side."

Mordecai was too terrified to respond. Rigby, too, seemed shocked beyond words. Ernie took their silence as his cue to leave.

"Yeah, uh… I guess I'll go now," he said, not sure how he should act around two people he nearly scared to death. "I'll be back later to conquer your dimension. Because that's what I do; I conquer stuff."

Ernie raised his hand in the air. Azure sparks danced around him and the Firebird, like lightning-bugs. Mordecai shook off the terror and closed his mouth, which had been hanging open after Ernie's display of power. He looked at Rigby, who also seemed to be coming out of his shock.

Out of the corner of his eye, however, Mordecai saw something in the garage. It was the cart; blue sparks of energy were surrounding it, just like Ernie and the Firebird. Fear for his job overcame fear for his life, and Mordecai looked at Ernie in horror.

"What are you doing to the cart?" He asked in terror.

Ernie shrugged. "I'm taking it with me." He explained. It was simple, really.

Mordecai stuttered at the matter-of-fact explanation. The sparks were multiplying and dancing faster. "Why?" Rigby asked. "You've got your car! Why do you need ours?"

"I'm a jerk," Ernie explained simply. "I don't know; I just feel like stealing your crap. Is that wrong?"

Mordecai was about to explain that, yes; it was, when the sparks suddenly finished their task. They completely enveloped Ernie, the Firebird, and the cart, covering them in a glowing, azure shell. Rigby turned towards the cart try and… do something, he wasn't sure what. But before he could even move, the shells of energy collapsed in on themselves; shrunk down into a small, molecular point, transporting their occupants away.

Everything was quiet for a while. Some birds started singing. Then, Mordecai let out the loudest, most anguished groan he could.

"DUDE!" He yelled. "You HAD to piss of the giant guy, didn't you, Rigby?"

Rigby stared at Mordecai incredulously. "What?" He asked. "Don't blame this on me! He probably would have taken the cart anyway!"

Mordecai threw his hands into the air. "Doesn't matter! Benson's going to fire us 'cause we lost the cart!" With a weary sigh, Mordecai fell to the ground, exhausted by the day's events. "I told you we shouldn't have bought that car."

Rigby looked down at the ground, ashamed. Suddenly, something caught his eye. He looked up and saw it: the portal that Ernie had appeared out of. Rigby's eyes widened as inspiration struck.

"Dude," he said, "I think I've got an idea."

* * *

Next Time: Team-Up


	3. Party Assembled

**Party Assembled**

_I'm sorry this chapter is so late getting out, you guys! I've had a lot of stuff going on (Various computer troubles, college planning, and an important play) and had to put off writing for some time. This may have been for the best, though, as it allowed more episodes of _Regular Show_ to come out and more planning to happen._

_Also, as a point of reference, I'd say this story takes place just before the episodes '_This Mortal Folly/ Mortal Recoil._'_ _That means PB isn't 13 and the snail isn't a ticking time-bomb of pure, necromantic evil. So, y'know; back to basics._

**- 42 Zombies**

* * *

_It's Summertime and you know what that means_

_Gonna head down to the beach, _

_Gonna do some beachy things…_

"I friggin' love this jam," Ernie said to himself as he cruised down the Cross-Dimensional Highway in his newly-recovered Firebird. A long trail of energy connected the cart he had stolen to the car's back bumper, towing it behind him.

_It's Summertime, it feels just right_

_Gonna gather all my friends_

_And we'll party through the night…_

Ernie took another glance around his car to make sure those two moochers hadn't messed it up any. He was pretty sure the short one might have eaten some of the old curly fries lying on the carpet, but other than that everything seemed fine. His old mix-cassette was still stuck in the 8-track player, thank Grog.

_It's Summertime luh-uh-loving. _

_It's loving in the Summertime._

_It's Summertime luh-uh-loving. _

_My baby, why can't you be mine?_

Some might say that it's impossible to make a mix-8-track-cassette. But Ernie had done it. With ghosts.

As the Conquistador neared the exit that lead to Ooo, he wondered again where he had seen those two squatters. They looked familiar; almost plot-relatedly so. He decided that he would figure it out later and turned onto the exit, making his way back into Ooo.

* * *

"You ready, Jake?"

"I'm ready like spaghetti, man!"

Finn and Jake stood before the giant portal that Ernie the Conquistador had left the night before. After spending most of that night packing (And having a pancake dinner), the two were ready to dive in after that blue freak.

As the two stretched up before jumping in (They had no idea if Omni-dimensional travel would give them cramps), Finn noticed something. Though a crowd of Candy People had gathered to watch them leave, Princess Bubblegum was nowhere to be seen.

Apparently, Jake explained, she was deep in the libraries of the Candy Castle, doing research on Ernie the Conquistador. "She's trying to find a way for us to mess that guy up," he said confidently.

Finn smiled, glad that the princess hadn't been kidnapped by cyborgs, or some junk. Still, he would have liked to see her before they jumped into the portal.

"I guess we'd better get going," he said, knowing that they couldn't wait up for her. Jake threw his hands up into the air enthusiastically before getting down on all fours and stretching out until he was roughly twice his size.

Finn climbed onto his best friend's back and waved good-bye to the Candy People. As the delicious citizens cheered for their heroes, Jake backed away from the portal so he could get a running start at it. Once he was about two yards from it, he turned to face the azure gate.

"Should we shout something awesome before we go in there?" Finn whispered to his buddy. Jake mulled the idea over.

"Nah," he said, "let's just scream like idiots."

And scream they did. They screamed like crazy little boys as Jake charged the portal, the wind rushing by them and the scenery turning into blobs behind them. Jake waited until the last possible second before jumping, and the two adventurers flew into the portal.

It was a lot like jumping into a lake or a pool, only nothing at all like that. For one thing, lakes and pools aren't suspended sideways in mid-air. Also, they aren't made of pure, horrible, burning energy that, for a few seconds, turns you inside-out as you pass through it.

After that initial horribleness, there was a whole new horribleness awaiting them. Finn and Jake found themselves flying, with absolutely no sense of direction, down a long tunnel of blinding light. Every color imaginable, accompanied by every color unimaginable, surrounded them, and the two were traveling at such a speed that Time just sort of gave up trying to keep up with them.

"JAKE!" Finn yelled after a few minutes.

"YEAH, MAN?" Jake yelled back, his body stretched into some sort of horrible dog-portal by the tunnel.

"Y'KNOW, AFTER THE FIRST FEW MINUTES, IT ISN'T SO BAD!"

"NAH, MAN, I THINK IT'S STILL PRETTY TERRIBLE."

"WHATEVER! I'M JUST TRYING TO BE POSITIVE! AT LEAST IT CAN'T GET ANY WORSE!"

And then, at the exact moment when Lady Irony heard what Finn had said, the two heroes hit something.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a part of Ooo that was quite far away from the Candy Kingdom, a small island drew the attention of a certain Omni-Dimensional Conquistador. Blue sparks that filled the air more than eight centuries ago returned to that place, and a blue portal opened up in the sky above the castle.

The Firebird descended, cart in tow, and came to a gentle stop in front of the old stone fortress. Ernie exited the car, being careful to set the alarm, and walked up to the great moss-covered doors. From the looks of things, the castle had been undisturbed for some time. That was good; Ernie hated squatters, and after 800 years he didn't want people using his stuff.

With a single shove, Ernie forced the door open and stepped into the castle. Aside from a few bugs, it looked like the Sealing Spell he had cast had held; nobody had been able to loot his castle. His carpet, while dusty, was still there, as were all his pictures from his vacation to the Shrimp Dimension.

Ernie the Conquistador exited the entrance hall and entered his main throne room. Everything was still there: his throne, his tapestries, his suits of armor, and his pile of horns. Drunk on nostalgia, the returning Conquistador sat down on his throne which, while a bit lumpy, was still just as he remembered it.

"_First order of business…"_ he thought to himself, _"is to find my other gauntlet. Without it, I've got too much power and not enough control. Then I can start doing some real conquerin'!"_

Ernie thought he heard something, but chose to ignore it. Instead, he held open his gauntleted hand. A holographic screen and keyboard sprung from the palm, and Ernie immediately began typing.

"Let's see… 'Search… for… "Gauntlets of unlimited power".'

The amount of results was staggering. Ernie tried to narrow his search by using more keywords, or by using words like 'and' and 'the', but he couldn't find what he was looking for. Enraged at not being able to find something on the internet, Ernie fired a bolt of energy at one of his statues, blasting it into pieces.

Then, to make himself feel better, he watched funny internet videos for, like, an hour.

* * *

"It was your idea, dude; you go first."

Mordecai and Rigby stood in front of the portal, unsure of what to do. A few minutes ago, Rigby had suggested that they dive in and chase after the Conquistador. Now, of course, he was practically shoving Mordecai in ahead of him. Skips still lay in the background, unconscious.

"You first, man," Rigby said bravely, "I'm not going in there unless I know what that thing can do to me. I could get turned inside-out or something."

Mordecai hesitantly approached the portal and, eyes shut, dipped a finger in. He felt a sucking sensation, like a vacuum hose, and immediately yanked his finger out.

"Maybe we should just fess up to Benson," Mordecai suggested, rubbing his aching finger. "I mean, this isn't the first cart we've lost."

"Oh, what, you're changing your mind now?" Rigby asked. "You were practically blowing a fuse five minutes ago when that blue guy stole the cart, and now you're chickening out?"

"Shut up, man; it's not like that," Mordecai said angrily. "I just don't see how this is our business."

"He stole our car!"

"Which sucked," Mordecai pointed out. "Look, let's just wait until Skips wakes up, okay? We can ask him what to do."

"Screw that mess, I want our car back!" Rigby exclaimed. Mordecai reached out a hand to try and smack some sense into him, but Rigby slapped it away.

"You can talk to Benson if you want; I'm getting our car back."

Before Mordecai could stop him, Rigby was sprinting on all fours towards the portal. Mordecai tried chasing after him, but it was too late; his best friend disappeared in the swirling, azure energy. Mordecai groaned and rubbed his temples, knowing there was only one thing he could do.

Even though he wasn't as fast as Rigby, he tried to get a running start at the portal. He backed up a significant distance and got down into a running position. Psyching himself up mentally, he ran forwards as fast as his two legs could carry him, hoping he could catch up. He didn't see Skips wake up; and he certainly didn't hear the Rigby yell at him to stop.

He only heard a sucking noise as he passed over the threshold and entered the portal.

This was, without a doubt, the worst thing ever; or, at least, the worst thing yet. It was worse than time travel, monsters, and antimatter all rolled into one. Mordecai was pretty certain his eyes weren't in his head anymore, but somewhere where eyes definitely aren't supposed to be on a body.

There was so much noise and light that it felt like his body was being torn apart every other second; which, in fairness, it probably was. He could just barely recognize his best friend's shape up ahead, and the two were soon side-by-side, screaming as they flew down the trans-dimensional tunnel.

"DUDE," Mordecai screamed, "THIS HAD BETTER BE WORTH IT!"

"IT WILL! TRUST ME!" Rigby reassured over the constant noise. "WE'LL GET THE STUFF BACK!"

"WE'D BETTER GET MORE THAN THAT, MAN!"

"YEAH… HEY, WAIT! I THINK I SEE THE END OF THE TUNNEL!"

What Rigby had seen, of course, was not the end of the tunnel. It was something travelling towards him; something very solid, very fast, and very painful to run in to.

* * *

Finn and Jake fell to the ground. It wasn't very cool. The grass cushioned their fall a little, but their butts still hurt from the landing.

Finn looked around the forest they had landed in as he stood up, rubbing his posterior. "What the…?" He muttered, something dawning on him. He turned to Jake, who was trying to wiggle his pain away.

"Dude! We're still in Ooo!"

"What ya say?" Jake asked, not as concerned as Finn was. He calmly sniffed the air and, when he picked up that patented Ooo scent, he raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Well, that's just weird," he said. The two heroes both looked up at the sky they had fallen out of. A large portal loomed overhead, hanging like a cloud.

"Maybe Ernie booby-trapped hyperspace!" Finn exclaimed. Jake shook his head.

"I don't know if a guy can do that," he said. "I think we just ran into something."

"Like what?" Finn asked. Jake rubbed his doggy chin, pondering the possibilities.

"Maybe a space-worm… or some sort of elder-itch abomination!" He concluded. Finn's eyes widened at the idea of fighting those things. His fantasies would have to wait, however, as a rustling noise from the trees overhead startled him. The human boy looked upwards and saw something moving in the foliage.

At first, Finn thought it was Jake. Then he remembered that Jake was right next to him. Then he thought it was him, but he knew that was even more ridiculous, so he discarded that theory after a few seconds. That only left one possibility: whatever they had bumped into had followed them.

The eldritch abomination, that old beast that lurked in-between dimensions, was not content with simply forcing the two heroes out of its domain. It wanted a fight. It had pursued them into Ooo and was waiting to strike, with oozing tentacles and gaping maws and the undying horrors of civilization's past nightmares.

Or maybe it was a bird or something.

Either way, Finn wasn't going to stand aside while that son of a toot _rustled_. Screaming like a frenzied baboon, Finn charged at the tree and tackled it with all his might, much to Jake's confusion. The tree shook when Finn made impact with it, and continued to sway as Finn rocked it back and forth in a bear hug.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Jake asked. He was understandably a bit confused at Finn's tree-issues.

All that the human boy was able to shout out was "Leaf-people!" before something snapped.

A branch, that is.

A branch snapped.

In the tree.

One of the branches in the tree snapped, and Finn soon found himself on the bottom of a surprise dog-pile.

* * *

Uncomfortable was just one of the many words that could be used to describe Mordecai and Rigby's current situation. A few of the others were 'confused', 'dizzy', 'aching', and 'on top of some kid'.

Unlike Finn and Jake, who the portal had dropped onto the ground without any sort of mishap, Mordo and Rigs had landed in a tree and gotten caught in its branches. As if this weren't bad enough, after a few seconds they were suddenly sent plummeting to the ground and landed in a very squishy dog-pile.

It was so squishy.

Mordecai groaned as he stood up, getting off of Rigby and the weird lawn gnome they'd landed on, and surveyed his surroundings. From the looks of things, they were in some sort of forest; possibly the forest next to the park, but it didn't seem dark and ominous enough for that.

As Mordecai continued looking around, Rigby stood up and noticed someone staring at them. "Uh, hey," he said, doing his best not to frighten them. "Have you seen a blue, floating weirdo in tight pants?"

The person, or 'dog', as some people would call him, pointed at Rigby's feet. "You're standing on my friend."

Rigby looked down at his feet and saw that what he had at first assumed was just a very soft, boy-shaped rock was actually a very soft, boy-shaped boy. Rigby slowly stepped off of the young man, who continued to lie motionless with his face down in the grass.

Mordecai turned his attention to the hat-wearing youth and cringed when he saw the damage they had caused. "Is he going to be okay?" He asked the dog.

"I dunno," Jake shrugged. "Hey, Finn, are you dead?"

A muffled whisper escaped Finn's grass-filled mouth.

"Okay, he's probably not dead," Jake said confidently, "Unless his corpse has been possessed."

As if to assure his friend that he was most-definitely not possessed by a demon from the beyond, the hero boy named Finn sprung up from his face-down position and stood on his feet, screaming excitedly.

"I'M NOT POSSESSED THIS TIME!" He exclaimed, pumping his fists in the air. Mordecai and Rigby could only stare.

Finn dusted some of the grass off of himself before turning to face the whatevers who had landed on him. "Hey," Finn asked, "what were all y'all doing in that tree?"

"We fell in it, genius." Rigby pointed out, thinking that the giant portal hanging overhead should have made that obvious. Finn didn't pick up on the hostility, though; in fact, he didn't really pick up on anything. He just sort of looked up at the sky and wondered why a raccoon and blue jay had fallen from the sky when there wasn't a cloud in sight.

Jake, however, did notice something. His famous nose sniffed the air and immediately picked up on something strange about Mordecai and Rigby. He whispered his suspicions into Finn's… ears, I guess.

"Dude," he said, "these guys smell weird."

"So? So does Hot Dog Princess," Finn pointed out.

"Well, yeah," Jake conceded, "but not like this. It's, like, you know that one time I switched your hot chocolate with chocolate coffee and you could tell the difference right away?"

"Yeah, man, I could totes tell the difference!"

"It's like that, man! They're chocolate coffee!"

The analogy made perfect sense. Finn looked Mordecai and Rigby in the eyes, and then asked the obvious question.

"Are you guys, like, made of chocolate or something?"

Mordecai looked back at Finn silently. Rigby glanced around in confusion, wondering if he'd missed something. Jake shook his head, ashamed at Finn for misreading his analogy. Or metaphor. Or whatever.

"Okay, kid, I think we're gonna leave now," Mordecai said quickly, turning around and walking away with Rigby in tow. Finn most-likely would have stopped them, but he was too busy listening to Jake explain that they weren't literally chocolate coffee.

Probably.

"What was with that kid?" Rigby asked as the two made their way further into the forest. They were now out of sight from Finn and Jake, the dense foliage blocking the view behind them.

"I dunno, man. Did you see the weird hat thing he had on? What was up with that?" Mordecai asked, swatting a tree branch out of the way.

"I thought it was kind of cool."

Mordecai rolled his eyes before coming to a quick stop. Looking back, it was impossible to tell where they had been or where they had come from. Mordecai sighed wearily.

"Great. We're lost," Mordecai said, stating the obvious more for Rigby's sake than his own. Rigby looked around, just realizing this himself.

"Oh, crap, we are," Rigby agreed. "Hey, what's going on? I thought these were the park's woods."

"No," Mordecai shook his head, "that forest has, like, signs and a road and picnic tables and stuff. I don't know where we are."

Rigby rubbed his chin and began thinking, an action that was very dangerous to him and anyone nearby. "Maybe that portal spat us out in a mirror universe. You know, like on those old sci-fi shows. So everyone we meet here's going to be evil!"

Mordecai pondered this. "Nah," he said. "I don't see anything that screams 'evil mirror universe'. Besides, this place doesn't seem all that dangerous."

"BLAAGGGH, I'M DANGEROUS," Screamed the Knife-Eyed Tree Shark that ironically burst out of the bushes right next to Mordecai and Rigby. The two groundskeepers were knocked to the ground by the fearsome beast's blood-curdling howl and they found themselves helpless against the creature's razor-sharp teeth-fingers.

The Tree Shark glared at them with the knives that poked out of its squishy eyeholes. "Even though I'm not going to enjoy it," the beast growled, "I'm going to eat you anyway! That's what I do, losers!"

Mordecai's eyes darted around frantically, looking for a way to save his and Rigby's lives. Out of desperation, he grabbed a large branch lying next to him and jammed it into the Tree Shark's blowhole.

The fierce predator staggered back, unable to breathe. It growled and clawed at the obstruction, but its mouth-flippers weren't agile enough to remove the branch. Then, just as Mordecai began wondering why a shark had a blowhole, he heard a familiar scream.

Finn jumped down from a branch above the Knife-Eyed Tree Shark and landed on its head. As he began wailing on it with his fists, Jake emerged from the brush, now grown to the size of the creature. He joined Finn in his assault while Mordecai and Rigby watched on.

"Okay, man, I'm lost," Rigby sighed. Mordecai could only nod in agreement.

The Knife-Eyed Tree Shark tried to pull Finn off, but the young hero boy dodged its clumsy grab. Seeing an opportunity, he yanked the branch out of the beast's blowhole and began to use it as a club, striking the land-fish wildly about its body. After a few seconds of beatings, the shark tossed Finn off and screamed in pain.

"Okay, I give!" It exclaimed, rubbing its aching blowhole. "You don't have to be so freaking rough, dude!"

"Yes I do!" Finn exclaimed. "Knives don't belong in your eyeholes; only eyes should go there! Now go back to your cave and think about what you've done!"

The Tree Shark sighed and slinked off into the woods, its heart heavy with disappointment. An awkward silence fell on the four dimension-hoppers. After what felt like forever, Jake was the one who broke the silence.

"So…" he began slowly, unsure of what to ask, "Are you guys from another dimension?"

Mordecai and Rigby looked at each other. They looked back at Jake. "Probably," Mordecai said, and Rigby shrugged.

"That's cool," Finn said. Another silence befell the group. All the sounds of the forest were audible at once. Birds were singing, frogs were croaking, bugs were dancing—a symphony of awkwardness. Jake was the one who broke the silence, as he remembered something that had been brought up earlier.

"Hey, uh," he began, still in the 'awkward' phase of talking to these guys, "did you say you were looking for a blue dude wearing some tight pants?"

"Yeah," Rigby said, "have you seen him?"

"We're totes looking for him!" Finn exclaimed, his enthusiasm coming back. "Why're you guys looking for that tote?"

"He stole our cart," Mordecai said bluntly. Instead of sympathy or any logical emotional response, Mordecai watched in confusion as Finn did a little dance of joy.

"Supah-fly!" He exclaimed, jumping in the air while pumping his fists. "That means we should team up and hunt that jerk-wagon down!"

Mordecai stared at the young man for a moment. It was pretty difficult to take him seriously. However, he felt a tugging at his sleeve and turned to Rigby, who whispered up into Mordecai's ear.

"Dude," he said quietly, "I say we do it."

Mordecai shook his head. "I dunno, man," he said, "this kid's, like, what? Ten? Eleven?"

"You saw what he did to that dolphin thing!" Rigby pointed out, confident in his plan. "Besides, that dog-dude will come with him, and he's all stretchy and stuff."

Mordecai glanced over at Finn and Jake, who were standing by, watching the two whisper to themselves. Seeing that he wasn't still convinced, Rigby aimed for the biggest target on his friend's back: laziness.

"Look, we'll just let them do all the work, and then we'll get the cart back," he said. "It'll be easy! These guys would probably want it that way!"

Mordecai thought it over some more. It was tempting to take the easy way out and work with these two who, apparently, had some clue what they were doing. Plus, they did seem more than capable of fending for themselves. His mind made up, he faced Finn and Jake.

"Okay," he said, "we'll go with you."

"Slamacow!" Finn exclaimed. Mordecai wasn't sure if he was excited or if he had just had some sort of stroke.

"Okay," he continued, "We should probably head back to the Candy Kingdom. We can go back through the portal that Ernie used the first time."

As Finn and Jake took the lead and began to follow the path out of the forest (Followed by Mordecai and Rigby, who were busy snickering at the words 'Candy Kingdom') a pair of mechanical eyes watched them from deep within the brush. No one noticed as a figure, sparking with azure energy, followed them stealthily through the woods.

Or maybe they did. Who knows?

* * *

_Wow, this took a while to finish. At least it got finished, though, am I right? AM I RIGHT? HUH? HUH? STOP MAKING ME CRY!_

_Anyway, I encourage everyone to check out this fan fic's TV Trope's page. Which is on TV Tropes._

Next Time: Party Bears


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